I’m never one to remember my dreams. In fact most mornings when I wake up, by the time I walk to the bathroom, whatever I had dreamed is already gone. But last night I dreamed of Yeshua.
2016 has started off really rough. My job is demanding technically, legally, emotionally and spiritually; most days I even drag myself home physically exhausted because all of my other capacities have been run dry. Since January, all Hell has broken loose at the housing properties and my office team (who are very supportive of each other) have been struggling with morale issues because everyone is under attack in some way. I’ve also been struggling personally with the patrilineal burdens I’ve inherited from the men in my life who have come before me. My struggles with personal identity, value and success (or lack thereof) have been loud and ugly…and it’s all the arguments going on inside.
Needless to say I’ve been fighting off or hiding from depression for the last couple of weeks. I can play at it for a while, being strong for everyone else, but I finally asked yesterday: “Who’s being strong for me?” Once that question was out of the box, there was no putting it back. And I fell to pieces.
I prayed. I pleaded for God to show a way forward. To allow me to answer a greater call. I demanded for Him to acknowledge and answer my dreams that have been laid in their grave.
What I didn’t know was that my wife was desperately praying for me at the same time. She pleaded with Jesus to meet me, somehow.
And then last night I fell asleep.
I found myself in a great white stone palace in a large room. The stone was almost like crystal, but even that description can’t do it justice. It felt very Greek, but was timeless.
The large room I found myself in was dark, backlit with blue and green light and there was a blue mist winding around the black tile floor.
I held a sword in my hand and knew at once I was under attack. The things coming at me were everywhere and they looked like rotting corpses, like zombies. Some were missing limbs but they could talk and were saying all kinds of horrible things. They were demonic, and they looked exhausted because they weren’t able to put up much of a fight when I began to fight back with my sword. Yet all the same I felt overwhelmed by the sheer number of them.
It was then I realized that someone else arrived and was helping me to fight them back. By the time the battle was almost over, my ally had easily slain most of the horde. I remained fighting one enemy, the captain. My ally did not intervene, but let me finish the fight as I cut off its appendages until it simply laid upon the floor unable to move.
“You’re done,” I said as I turned to walk away.
The demonic captain looked up at me with his gruesome face and exposed eyeballs and spoke: “Just do it already.”
So I cut off his head. I then realized I was covered in greasy guts. I turned to look at my ally, my helper.
He stepped out of the shadows and I immediately knew his face and I spoke his name in my heart: YESHUA. It was the name his mother would have called him. I knew him and I knew he knew me. Yet all I could utter from my lips was: “I’m a mess.”
Then Yeshua smiled; he was kind and spoke: “You ordered the Greece.”
I knew it was a joke, a play on words about the battle we had just come through, and yet there had to be a deeper meaning, a puzzle to solve. He helped me, but he didn’t do it for me. I had guts on me and the sword in my hand to prove that I had done battle in the heavenly realm alongside Yeshua my Messiah, against my enemies.
I woke up amazed, pondering the meaning of what he said and I’m still not sure but there are some clues in my life and the things I’ve been working on in my writing that might yet prove true.
My wife is a big time dreamer; she remembers her every dream each morning. And sometimes they are spiritually significant. This was the first time I had ever had a spiritually significant dream and I relayed it to my wife.
When I finished, she asked about the meaning of Yeshua’s words. I told her I wasn’t sure.
Then she asked: “What about Greek warriors, are they tough?”
I immediately could see scenes from the movie 300 in my mind with King Leonidas fighting with his fellow Spartan brothers against the hordes of invading Persian troops. I told her that historically the Spartans were among the toughest, hardest soldiers ever bred for war.
She then told me about how she pleaded with Jesus to meet me in my dark time of struggle. My wife is certain that who showed up was Jesus/Yeshua as his hardest, warrior self to help fight against the forces of darkness coming against me personally. Yet during the whole battle, I never doubted his love.
There are still so many pieces to put together regarding this dream. As for what he said to me: “You ordered the Greece.” I think it will take time to reveal the meaning, but perhaps some of the interlinear work I’ve been doing in the bible may be the key to unlocking my way forward.
Interlinear Text Download: Titus 1
Lately I’ve been working on interlinear texts from the Bible, as well as learning Hebrew and Greek (yeesh, what was I thinking?), with Titus chapter 1 being my most recent example.
I’m prone to working more with Hebrew, and in fact I’m more comfortable there. Yet I felt the tug to work on something in the New Testament with the theme of leadership. The book of Titus pulled me right in.
So far I’ve been fortunate to pick it up quickly and work with it, making it palatable as an original text with a transliteration (pronunciation guide) above the Greek and a direct translation below.
I feel the need to understand what good, honest leadership looks like because it seems to me that we’ve been lacking it across the board in every strata of society, and especially within the church.
Chapter 1 of Titus is interesting because the first half focuses on how to appoint leaders who seek what is truly good, not giving it lip service alone. The second half discusses how to correct and rebuke those who fail to do good. Both of these things are extremely important as leaders are indeed held to a higher standard because they are to set an example with their lives.
When leaders fail to set a proper example, they fail to lead.
Please enjoy this. I’m an amateur wading into deep waters, but I’m always happy to receive any comments or suggestions for correction (for those schooled in Greek).
Interlinear Text Download: Psalm 73
Apologies for the radio silence over the last year. God has been very much so at work in our lives doing some new things and He asked me to lay down writing fiction (for now). So far, we’ve moved north to Bellingham and I’m working for the Bellingham/Whatcom County Housing Authority, providing housing for the elderly, disabled, and families with low incomes. I’m truly blessed to be serving in such a meaningful way. Our family has settled very well and we are all able to finally BREATHE.
I’ve had questions from several friends lately, wondering if I’m still writing and what it is I’m doing…
Some of you may know that I’ve been studying Hebrew for the last few years. It is a truly beautiful language and my heart grows continually as I discover new insights and wisdom while immersed in the Tanach (Old Testament). In the last year I discovered the Psalms of Asaph (Psalms 50 & 73-83 are attributed to him). I’ve been touched by Asaph’s raw prayers, full of both anguish and praise.
I think of life on this side of eternity…filled with anguish and praise. There is so much pain in this life and yet there is also so much for which I have hope. I don’t hope to be rich. I don’t hope to be powerful. I don’t hope to have a mansion, or a large following, or even to be happy.
I hope for completion…something which cannot happen in this life, but my relationship with my Creator assures me of it when He returns or chooses to bring me home.
In any case, I have been using the Psalms as a guide to learn how to pray and give praise. As in all things when it comes to God, it’s always about the relationship.
Attached is my attempt at an interlinear study starting with Psalm 73. I hope to complete all of the Psalms of Asaph and collect them in to a volume. But for now I’m happy to share this with you.
Sidebar: if any of you readers out there happen to be acquainted with Hebrew and spot a need for correction, don’t hesitate to reach out to me through the contact page.