The LORD is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. ~Psalm 34:18
It’s been a while since I’ve written anything here but the truth is that I’ve been going through a process of breaking, and I’ve needed to take the time to experience it. It’s hard. Many times I’m emotionally incontinent and prone to tears.
Truth be told, there is much that is either cracking, been broken already, or has been divinely taken away.
As it turns out, my new job is anything but a good or easy fit. From the moment I walk through the door to the time I leave, it’s a constant barrage of demands from either the corporate leadership or from frustrated residents. So far I’ve dealt with multiple threats of lawsuits from residents over petty issues (everyone seems to have a lawyer), evictions and then helping the residents prevent evictions, and a multitude of complaints about noisy yet necessary deferred maintenance construction. It seems there’s very little time to breathe or even get my real work done. I also found out through our open enrollment that we cannot afford the cost of the benefits through work. And then last week Caity and I found out that our main commuter car will need to go to that junkyard in the sky. And at times I have to ask myself “why”? What could possibly be the good, divine purpose to spiral my wife and me into what appears to be more pain and loss?
It seems that everything about our circumstances right now are designed to break us entirely. And it’s working…but not in the way toward depression, only in the way toward dependence. Dependence upon God.
Just like human relationships, crises and brokenness can either drive people apart or bind them even closer together. The trick of it all, however, is that the choice belongs to the people involved. When Caity and I have found ourselves broken before each other, we draw close and give comfort to the other. The same is true of a relationship with God. If we truly desire awesome intimacy with the Creator and Savior, then we must be willing to be shattered and surrender to the process of being broken. It’s painful and necessary, and ultimately it’s our own choice to allow it to foster intimacy; to learn how to depend whole heartedly with every feature of our being upon the King of the Universe.
Another dirty little secret of the sanctified life is that brokenness will continue to happen throughout in big and little ways. It is because our broken pieces are gathered together and mortared one upon the other with God’s grace until a firm foundation of a sanctification emerges. We must surrender to this uneasy and painful process in order that everything that we are and everything we have will be transformed into the best that we can become. It’s not the circumstances that matter so much to God, but our heart conditions. God can change circumstances with the flip of coin, but our hearts will only change when we surrender everything we hold on to so tightly.
I’ve decided that I will not fight my breaking process. I will accept it…with joy…in the knowledge that God is bringing me into a deeper level of intimacy. He desires Oneness, and now so do I. Perhaps He may find some use for me yet.
If you are currently being broken, it’s alright to cry out in pain. I would also encourage you to accept it as an honor, for you have been chosen to be brought deeper into relationship with the King of the Universe.
SOLI DEO GLORIA!